...and there was JOY!

Yes, I know that the writer's block has been a high hurdle for me to clear over the last couple of weeks. I'm not going into it here, but again, it's not diet failure as much as it has been that my butt has been SUPER busy, but today, even though I'm still slammed, I HAVE to take time to write about the thing that I've been wanting to write about for 5 years now. My brother Todd has just accepted a formal offer to be the Artist Representative for a non-profit called Food for the Hungry. They are based out of Phoenix, but they just opened a small office here in Franklin and he is perfectly suited for the job. He has great relationships with artists that would benefit from this, he feels called back to the ministry after resisting it for a long time, it's a good job with lots of benefits, and most of all, it's "time." Truth be told, Todd has been going through about a 5 year spiritual make-over, and looking now at the situation on this side of victory, it's exciting to know that God STILL delivers on His promises. You should see him. His whole attitude is visibly different from anything I've seen in him for 5 years (maybe more). So, with all of this in mind; for my brother for whom much prayer and fasting has taken place; for a man in need of a blessing and purpose; for a son of God in need of a savior - this one goes out to you. Everyone is so happy and proud for you. Put me in the front of that line. I'm anxious to replace this space in my brain with something else. I think Stacie has dibs, so I'll plan to give her more. Seems like the right (and desirable) thing to do here.

WRITER'S BLOCK

(Nothing bad has happened here, I'm just stumped on what to write)

Hold That Thought

I'm in Dallas again. I'm SLAMMED busy, but didn't want anyone to think I'm not still committed to this. Give me another day. Maybe I'll write a good one on the plane tomorrow.

Friday

No.....I.....Dea what to write today. Not a clue. One of the oddest weeks in recent memory. I wish I had some clever anecdote to bust over the heads of "both" of my blog followers, but I don't. Perhaps a quip or punchline with a joke to lighten the mood? Nope. Don't have that either. I'm not in the ditch. Was. Not anymore. By no means floating on a cloud either. It's the same outside too (shout out to dad for talking about the weather) whereas it's not too cold, not too hot. Sun isn't out, kind of a light drizzle off and on. Usually a friday will carry with it more joy and momentum. Even that is luke-warm. I leave to go to Dallas on Sunday night - so it doesn't exactly kill the weekend, but it's on the radar. I'll fly out there, and by the time I land and get to the hotel, I'll have missed the first quarter of the Super Bowl - but not the whole game. You see what I'm talking about? Stacie too (my wife). She's not been sick - just worn down. Not bad...not good. So, all of that is to say this. "Praise God." Praise Jesus for average middle-of-the-road moments in life that aren't too good, but aren't too bad either. I'm still heavy in prayer mode for Todd. I quit praying for "that job." I don't want to limit God. I'm now praying for immediate help, purpose, and peace for him. I think God can handle a need like that, can't He? I think He can. I KNOW he can. Sorry if I've been drifting off on the subject of my diet lately. I had to set the pom-poms down for a minute while I focus more on bigger life issues. Make no mistake, I couldn't be happier about how it's going. The fact that I moved to notch #3 on my belt today seems to be overshadowed quite a bit by a desire for peace and provision in my family. I know it's coming. It's the waiting that is killing me. But actually, it's really not. See? It's just one of those days...I guess.

Up and Down

This week started out in the ditch. You see, here's the thing, I've been sharing a burden with my brother about his job. That's been an emotional push this whole week and there have been ups and downs. In fact the job was supposed to have been filled (one way or the other) on Monday. Long story, but that's STILL yet to be determined, but I'm likening this process to a marathon race. At first you're up to the challenge, then after a while you get very weary of it, and then finally (I'm here at this step), you just keep going forward and are completely numb. Is it wrong to care so much about something you have no control over? Is it wrong to care so much for someone that you love and only want to see catch just ONE break this decade? I can pontificate all day about rights, fairness, and justice, but above all else, there is that underlying quiet element that trumps 'em all - God's sovereignty. God has a plan for my brother to succeed, prosper, and be at peace. All of this pinned up anxiety and stress means something, but WHAT!?! We'll know when we're supposed to, so until then, I pray. I've done better this week in letting it go fully. Monday and Tuesday were a wreck. Wednesday was better and family and their love played a HUGE part in that.

Oh yeah, I've been dieting. That has gone extremely well. I did have chips and salsa last night for dinner - as if that's ok, but I had nothing else and I've been great all day today. Truth is, when I eat like I'm supposed to, I really feel great all the time and I'm not tired when I wake up. Who knew that when you treat the body the way the manuel tells you to that it will actually work. Maybe Kris knew, but she doesn't tell. She's cocky (inside joke).

Casablanca. :)

Monday Morning

I need a lift today. Truly. I've never been a "Monday morning blues" kind of person, but I have that today for no real good reason. I'm healthy, happy, diet going well, great family, son was dedicated by my pastor yesterday, and my dad was here for all of it. He's heading home today and while I'm here at work with him too at the moment, I can't get past the down feeling that I seem to have today. I want to forge past it. God is in control. I know that. Lots to cover this week. A ton on my plate. For that, I'm grateful. I pray for God's blessings in a tremendous way. I need a fresh touch from the Lord today. In a way that ONLY the Lord can give. I need you Father. I love You.

I Have Loose Pants

I know I said before that I have loose pants. But I wanted to say it again. For a shout out to my in-laws from the Ohio Valley, "I'm just sayin'." :) Have a great Friday. I'm off to become a lesser man.

The Complement

Today I was in a meeting. This meeting was with people I know well, but ones I don't often see every single day anymore. One of my friends in the meeting shares a common desire in wanting to reduce the waistline. He's doing an awesome job of it too, it should be mentioned. So back to my point here. I was in the meeting and he was the last one in. 5 of us total and right when he walked in, he said something to the effect of, "Wow Troy, I can TOTALLY tell that you're losing weight. Way to go!" This was it! The first one! You see, I've yo-yo'd my weight for my entire adult life and each successful stretch for me includes that first "hey man, you're losing weight, aren't you?" complement. For those of us who deal with weight issues, you understand what I mean when I say that getting from the start of the diet to that first complement is an ETERNITY! Then, it seems that the process begins to get easier because more people start to notice and that, in turn, causes me to get even MORE motivated. So, today...it happened...FINALLY! To my friend, and you know who you are...THANK YOU! You just made my whole January!

Tightening Up

I haven't weighed in a few days, but I know I'm improving on this. I put on my pants this morning and they were certainly more loose. I didn't have to say 12 Hail Mary's before I put them on. You know, fresh out of the wash and dryer, shrunk a little bit, and I don't need the embarrassment of getting a triceps workout simply by trying to connect the button to fasten them. Not at all this time. I just pulled the pants on and fastened the button - no problem. It's not like the pants were hanging off of me, but they do fit properly (for the first time in quite a while). That was a reassuring feeling. THEN, I put on my belt. WHAT'S THIS?!? The second hole is almost not the one anymore. I put it there anyway, cause I'm not trying to be a hero here, but for the first time in as long as I can remember, my belt today is for aesthetic purposes only. I kind of like that! I will be in the third notch on the belt in a week or so, I would think. I love how my clothes are fitting now and as I've stated before, I'm in such a rhythm and routine here, that I don't want to mess anything up. I'm committed to the journey. And on we go...

In a Hurry!

Still doing good. Not much to tell. Feeling GREAT! Staying strong. Corban woke us up at 12:40 last night just to be MAD for about an hour. What's up with that? I'm gonna go into his room when he's sound asleep tonight and just start yelling for an hour and see how HE likes it. Smart move? Geez! Talk tomorrow.

Magnificent Failure

Today I left Dallas, but before I left, know this - last night I failed. Before you judge, hear me out. I actually was very pleased in my failure. During the day we were finishing a meeting in Dallas with one client, and setting up the dinner location for the other. "Dinner meeting." That has spelled disaster to me for almost 20 years now. Fun, deals being cut, appetizers, meals, AND desserts!?! Are you kidding me? Truly, I will be fighting the Mike Tyson of will power. And so the location was then set - The Cheesecake Factory. (gulp!) I could've done without a temptation like THAT! And, as fate would have it, "Mike Tyson" DID show up, and I lost. A few wings to start (no problem), then an southwestern egg roll (emmmmmm, do better Troy), then the meal was ordered. Beef ribs with fries and onion strings. The decision had then been made. BREAK NIGHT! But, here's how it continued on. The beef ribs were good, but I only ate 3 of the 6 provided. I had a few of the onion strings, and maybe 7 or 8 fries, and then....ummmm....I was FULL!!! What is going on here!?! After nice glass of (unsweet) tea, I caved again. "Yes, I WILL have the apple crumb cobbler with ice cream please." Ever been to The Cheesecake Factory? They bring it out in a wagon, there's so much. But again...this "full" thing. I bet I had 8 bites - TOPS! Can't be more than that. In the end, when I took inventory, of course it was my worst day so far, but I didn't have my heaven on earth dining experience I expected, I get full way too easy, and I wasn't even happy at all anyway. So, maybe I really have made good change after all. Today has been back to the routine. I think I understand now who I am in this whole process. Magnificent, right?

Big D!

Not much to give you today. I've been a VERY good boy on my discipline still. No cracks in the armor. I'm loving it. Feeling tons of energy, sharper mind, and looser clothing. Haven't weighed in a couple of days, but I will when I get back into town. All's well though. Interesting note, as a die-hard sports fan (particularly football), it was pretty cool this morning when on this business trip to Dallas today, while in a relatively empty Cracker Barrel for breakfast we sit near Dallas Cowboy player Keith Brooking. The guy has been an all-pro for many years and is a stud. I spoke to him briefly and he seemed to be pretty cool for a passing encounter. Give me 6 months and I'll be able to crush him! :)

Confidence

Energy and confidence are here. I've asked them to move in and stay...FORVER! I really do feel like I'm doing well now. I was in a rush this morning, so I don't have the numbers for you, but even if somehow it went up a pound or something (which I really doubt), I'm not fazed. I'm now in my groove, rhythm, or whatever you wanna call it. I really DO regret getting to this point. It's like I lost control and didn't know how to stop. How do you weigh the cost on something that makes you feel great RIGHT NOW vs. a long arduous road back to feeling great ALL THE TIME. It's the same principle as investing money. Do without now for the better "health" of the long run. I feel good about the money part. I'm trying to get the intake part down. GET THIS - I even brought exercise clothes to work. Granted, I've not used them yet (excuses, excuses, I know), BUT, I thought to do it, and even WANT to do it. I even brought my ipods out of retirement and they're charging in my USB drive as I type this note. God is so good to me. I'm pumped. (did you notice?)

I'm Excited

This morning I woke up and 320 was waiting on me. I know that's still a big number, but I really feel like I'm hitting my groove now. I have momentum. I'm not famished anymore. I'm not eating a ton - because I don't desire to. I'm way off of breads and starches and all of that. In short, I'm 9 days in and starting day 10 and I have no fear of foul up. I'm really gonna make a hard run at this. I'm beginning to feel a little bit better, but I have a long way to go. I weighed twice. That's how I know it's legit. :) Happy Hump Day.

Ouch.

Remember the refereeing from yesterday? That was really fun. However, Big Boy Troy hasn't exactly been training for the Decathlon lately, so when I woke up this morning, my sore muscles were there to greet me. It's ok, I can get around fine and it's just enough soreness to remind me that we're doing the right thing here. I lost 2 more pounds. 322. Even looking at that number looks HUGE, but it's going down, and that's the objective. Happy Sunday to you!

FOUL!

Today is a bit different. Well, first of all, the diet is going GREAT! No cravings, no starvation, nothing like that. I'm doing it right and not backing down. Still on 324 today, but that's fine. I know the results are coming. This is day 6, I mean after all! :) I digress. Today, my brother and I embark on yet another wild-hair idea. We're now "refs." Proper term is "referee." He came to me and said, "hey man, what would you think about making some extra money by reffing basketball games on Saturdays for the Parks and Rec league?" He had me at "extra money." So, skipping past the part of buying the necessary outfitting materials, meeting the most interesting people at the Social Security Office (long story), and braving the cold and snow of Old Man Winter's breath, today, we go. In fact, at the time of this composition, he is 8 minutes away from his first of 4 games. $20 a game. Not bad, right? HEY! Maybe I'll lose weight doing this. Oh the HORROR!

Remember Me?

I failed. Let's just get that out in the open right now. I failed. I went to the holidays with good intentions, and being snowed in with gobs of time on my hands failed me. Today I am 324. I actually think that's better than it was too because I'm back in business and dieting hardcore for 5 straight days now...but it was only this morning that I had the strength to stand of the platform of PURE COLD-HEARTED HONESTY. It doesn't get more straight-forward than a scale...and I knew that, so I avoided it. And as a result, I avoided this blog too. But, encouraging reminders from "Lucy" and "Blaze" made me rethink that this was a thick and thin, good and bad, ugly and pretty journey, so I needed to own up, be a man, and forge ahead. After all, these were MY choices and I can't lay blame anywhere else. So, with that, goodbye lots of pizzas, goodbye 7-layer cookies, goodbye apple crumb pie (and all of your floured, baked, white-sugared brothers and sisters), and HELLO 2010! I'm still committed to the race. I just fell down. While I didn't expect to fall into an Entenman's bakery rack, I did, so I move on. Gotta do this!

Getting Bitter or Getting Better?

When you're on the weight-loss journey, a miriad of emotions comes into play. When you have a lifetime of history working against you with food being the side-kick of virtually ANY emotion, it becomes difficult to wake up one day and change all that. I think that anyone that deals with any addiction (and I truly and finally believe that is what this is for me), they can relate. It's hard to just stop going through the drive-through window, it's hard to just stop smoking, to just stop looking at adult magazines, or whatever vice "you" struggle with. For me, as you know, it's food. My journey is going to be just that - a "journey." Anyone that has been on a road trip would never consider a trip of 30 minutes or even an hour to be a journey of sorts. Journeys are long, sometimes painful, and they can try your very last nerve in many cases. However, if successful, you have to continue on through the rain, flat tires, potty breaks, and traffic jams to get where you need to go. My point in this? Getting to my goal of 100 pounds lost is going to be difficult, and it's going to take a while, but if I'm committed, and continue to make more wise decisions than poor ones, I have a good chance of reaching my ultimate destination. I've been encouraged by so many people. For that, it's accountability, encouragement, and a blessing. I hope that remains as it DOES give me strength. I've reconciled that the holidays will be tough and I'm hoping to hold serve without going north on the scales. Again, this is a long journey. I'm committed to getting there, and I will!

I'm Down

Well, the scale has started moving again in the right direction, but you know what, I'm keeping silent about the number until January 2nd. I want to see how well I can do in the epicenter of the all things culinary difficult this time of year. Food is EVERYWHERE you look and it's harder than ever to not "just have a little bite." Nevertheless, the scale rewarded me this morning and I will continue on and update here, but no specifics on numbers for a little while. Since I do not have a legion of fans hanging on my every word in this blog, I'm sure it will be more than ok to take this approach. I'm such a loser (and I hope it continues).

My Dirty Secret

Well, today, I don't even know what I weigh. I've been out of the house the last few days doing a lot of stuff and in that time, Stacie has been doing a lot of cooking. My job at home is to do the dishes. So, this morning, when I came downstairs with weighing-in on my mind, the sight of undone dishes greeted me and I went to do that and THEN weigh-in. Well, I never go back around to it. Children running here and there, getting ready, eating breakfast, tending to the baby, etc. It just got buried on the list. So, I'm out in the workplace today and don't know where I stand. Until tomorrow...